Death, I hate you.
You know, it's not fair really. Mother's Day is supposed to be a joyous occasion full of family and love. But right now, all i can think about is how I don't have one. I don't have a mom. Not anymore. The devil took her away in the form of cancer. Ugly, unrelenting, unfeeling cancer. It will soon be 4 years that she was taken from me.
The pain is as if it was yesterday. My young son doesn't even remember her. It is heartbreaking.
I didn't always have the best relationship with her. At times I even hated her. What teen didn't go through that stage? But I always really loved her. A few days ago I could have SWORN I heard her voice in the other room. Some times i expect her to come through the door.
We used to fight, but I loved her.
I sometimes said I hated her, but I always loved her.
We didn't always get along, but I ALWAYS LOVED HER.
I wasn't there when she died and I should have been.
I never really thought she'd die. I always thought that she was too stubborn to die.
I'll never know if she knew I loved her. That i was just a hurt teenager going thru things. That I didn't mean any of it.
I love my mom, and I miss her so.
I hate you death. I hate you so much!
You took my mom from me.
I love you mom so much.
I wish you could come back so I can tell you I'm sorry.
I wish you were here so you can see how much Jasmin has grown.
I wish you were here so you can finally hear Gabriel talk.
I wish you were here to hold me again.
Death, how i HATE you!
Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.
But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
1 Th 4:13-14
I love you mom.