You Know You're From New York When...
* You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
* You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
* You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
* You know what a "regular" coffee is.
* It's not Manhattan...... It's the "city".
* There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown." If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are.... And east or west is "crosstown."
* You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
* You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.
* You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and a "real" bagel.
* A 500 square foot apartment is large.
* You know the differences between all the different Ray's pizzas.
* You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.a. Announcement on the subway.
* You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.
* You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
* You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's eve.
* Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.
* Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
* You don't even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.
* You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.
* The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
* You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
*You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
*You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
*You know what a bodega is.
*You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
*You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
*Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
*You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.